CW Wars
by DellaVie
Summary: When the shows of the CW decide to stretch out and accumulate audiences from neighbouring shows, it can only end one way: War. A series of adverts the CW didn't air, but should've. Multiple Crossovers, crack!fic.
1. Round 1: Fray

Fray isn't actually a television show, but I wholly believe that it should be. I'd watch it.

* * *

Round One

* * *

INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT.

NARRATOR (V.O.)  
After finding out about her  
destiny, Fray finds herself  
the target of every lurk in  
Manhattan.

Shots of FRAY fighting a group of lurks. One of them punches her out.

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)  
And she's quickly drawn  
into a situation way over  
her head.

Fray wakes up. ZOOM OUT to see her chained to a wall.

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)  
...That she might not make  
it out of alive.

Fray looks around, struggling to escape. She's SCARED.

CUT TO: Show descriptor/logo.

NARRATOR (V.O.)  
Fray. Wednesday nights at--

The Narrator is cut off by the sound of a door banging open. We cut back to the scene of Fray bound to the wall, as the WINCHESTERS burst into the room and pump Fray full of ROCK SALT. Sam and Dean look at the camera:

DEAN  
Supernatural. The show that  
rock salts the crap outta all  
others.

SAM  
Thursdays at nine on the CW.

* * *

End Round One - Supernatural 1: Fray 0


	2. Round 2: Smallville

Round Two

* * *

EXT. LEX'S MANSION - NIGHT.

Clark is stalking (flying) outside.

TEXT OVERLAY: WHAT DO YOU DO -

Clark's POV -

He nears a window, and we can see two people talking inside.

TEXT OVERLAY: - WHEN THE PERSON SENT TO PROTECT THE WORLD -

Clark's phone rings, he answers it (but without speaking).

Static, the sound of a phone clicking on.

CHLOE  
(frantic)  
Clark? Clark are you there?  
I think I know what's causing  
this. Just call me when you  
get this, before something  
bad happens.

Clark hangs up, engrossed at the two people inside. He uses his X-ray vision to zoom in on them.

TEXT OVERLAY: - IS ABOUT TO DESTROY IT?

Clark smiles evilly and his eyes change to his LASER vision. He blows Lex away as he flies into the room. Lana looks at him scared.

Suddenly, a THWACK from a paintball gun is heard, and Clark looks down at his chest, where a blob of KRYPTONITE drips down his chest. He looks up at his attackers and slowly collapses.

Pan around:

To SAM and DEAN, who both have guns trained at Clark. Lana stares in disbelief.

LANA  
Jason?

Dean looks freaked, and backs out of the room real fast. Sam looks confused, but follows him nonetheless.

* * *

End Round Two - Supernatural 1: Smallville 0


	3. Round 3: Fray

Because Fray had to get her own.

* * *

Round Three

* * *

TEXT OVERLAY: THE ROAD SO FAR

Vintage shots from the recaps, particularly pertaining to the shows mission statement about hunting, and Dean's deal. Ending with clips of Lillith:

RUBY (V.O.)  
Her name is Lillith, and  
she really wants Sam's  
intestines on a stick.

--Lillith walking into the station (Jus in Bello).

LILLITH  
I'm looking for two boys.

--She fries everyone.

NARRATOR (V.O.)  
Have the boys finally  
met their match?

INT. NON-DESCRIPT HOUSE - NIGHT.

Sam and Dean burst through a door and lean against it, as someone starts banging on it from the other side. Looking around the room frantically, they both freeze at the sound of:

FRAY (O.S.)  
Hi guys.

Fray is leaning on a cabinet against the far wall, smiling.

FRAY (CONT'D)  
Going somewhere?

She pulls out her scythe. Sam and Dean share a look, realising they're trapped. Fray hops off the cabinet and strides towards them.

BLACK OUT. Sounds of fighting and cussing from Dean are heard.

* * *

End Round Three - Supernatural 1: Fray 1


	4. Round 4: Veronica Mars

Round Four

* * *

EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT.

The WINCHESTERS are digging up a grave.

ANGLE TO INCLUDE -

The gravestone, which reads: Lilly Kane/1987-2003/Beloved Daughter, Loved by All.

Dean hits the coffin and shares a look with Sam. They get the top off, and are standing outside as Dean pours the salt, Sam the accelerant.

Just as Dean strikes the whole pack of matches (as he's prone to), he collapses on the ground, revealing VERONICA standing behind him with a TASER. Before Sam can react, she tasers him too.

When they come to, the PCH gang can be seen in the distance, dismounting their bikes. Realising they're outnumbered, they take off in the other direction.

Veronica looks down at the grave as LILLY appears next to her.

LILLY  
Thanks, Veronica.

VERONICA  
What are friends for?

* * *

End Round Four - Supernatural 0: Veronica Mars 1


	5. Round 5: Gilmore Girls

I listed this story as complete, even though it technically isn't. I'm always thinking up new ones to add, but they can stand as finished at any given time. Does that make sense?

* * *

Round Five

* * *

INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY.

A couple can be seen (and heard) making out on a couch. As the camera passes over the top we see that it's RORY and -

RORY  
(breathless)  
Dean...

SAM stops.

SAM  
What?

RORY  
(huh?)  
(no wait, she's dazed, it's more like, 'gahh?')

Sam sits up on the couch. Rory snaps back to reality.

RORY (CONT'D)  
Oh. Oh, no. This is bad.

SAM  
Bad?

RORY  
Very bad. I should have...  
You should have...  
Someone should have...  
Oh, no.

Rory gets up off the couch, pacing.

RORY (CONT'D)  
Bad. Bad bad bad. Bad  
bad bad bad...  
(she pauses)  
-Acutally, it was kind of  
good-  
(looks back at Sam)  
But bad! Very bad. It  
shouldn't have happened.

She walks to the front door and opens it.

RORY (CONT'D)  
You should go.

SAM  
What? I just got here.

She silences him with a gesture and nods to the door. Sam looks crestfallen (Y'know, like he lost his shoe again).

CUT TO:

INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY.

Dean is sitting on the couch cleaning his gun (not euphemistically) as Sam trudges in. He looks at Dean.

INSERT: Rory moaning Dean's name.

Dean sees Sam looking at him.

DEAN  
What?

Sam walks past him into the bathroom and slams the door.

Dean shrugs it off and goes back to his gun.

* * *

End Round Five - Supernatural 0: Gilmore Girls 1


	6. Round 6: America's Next Top Model

Now, I don't actually watch this show, but I have a friend who loves the snarky bitchiness that unfolds, so I wrote this piece in tribute. Also, it sets the groundwork for round nine.

* * *

Round Six

* * *

Int. Bedroom - Night.

Clothes are strewn about the floor, as we tilt up to a gorgeous African brunette and a half-naked DEAN necking their way to the bed. They tumble onto the mattress, rolling until the woman's on top. It's TYRA BANKS.

Dean smiles up at her as she leans down seductively and kisses her way up his chest.

CLICK.

Dean looks over to see his hand locked in a pair of handcuffs hanging around the bedhead. Tyra smiles at Dean, who shrugs it off as kink and decides to go with it. That is, until she snaps the cuffs around his other hand.

DEAN  
Uhh...

She ignores him and slowly moves down to take his pants off.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
Darlin', not that I  
(realises she's not listening)  
Darlin'...?

When she's ripped them off, leaving him in briefs, she pulls two more pairs of handcuffs from... ? (The same place Keira pulled that gun in Pirates 3 - the prop man.) and cuffs his legs to the bedposts while Dean's still trying to get her attention.

Finished, she snakes her way back up and kisses Dean, nibbling on his lip before sliding off and out the room before he can digest.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
(slightly dazed)  
(beat)  
(realises)  
Son of a-!

* * *

End Round Six - America's Next Top Model 1: Supernatural 0


	7. Round 7: Angel

There is one almighty in-joke here, because I simply couldn't resist.

* * *

Round Seven

* * *

Ext. L.A. - Night.

FADE IN: Aerial shot. Downtown, skyscrapers, lights, yada yada yada.

NARRATOR  
It's a big, bad city out there.

CUT TO: A woman walking down a dark, spooky street.

Alone. She's all nervous - mucho vulnerable.

NARRATOR  
Danger lurks around every corner.

BOOM! She's attacked by a big, ugly goon - with a KNIFE!

WOMAN  
(screaming)  
Help! Is there no one to help me?

A dark figure approaches.

NARRATOR (V.O.)  
Well, now there is someone to answer your call. He'll protect you, catch you when...

The narrator trails off as the dark figure, who is revealed to be ANGEL, stops mid-stride and stares in puzzlement as SAM WINCHESTER beats him to the bad guy, and incapacitates said mugger while DEAN walks up to the woman (CORDY) and starts macking her like some cheesy romance novel.

ANGEL  
...

* * *

End Round Seven - Supernatural 1: Angel 0


	8. Round 8: Firefly

What started out as CW shows vying for attention has spilled out into shows of every network, genre and production status. Is there no end to this madness?

* * *

Round Eight

* * *

Ext. House - Night.

SAM and DEAN approach, guns drawn. They reach the door and Dean gestures military to Sam, who nods and his hand goes for the knob. As his fingers touch it, they hear a crash inside and forget all pretense at stealth.

Dean kicks in the door, and they both rush in -

Only to be GUNNED DOWN by MAL, ZOE and JAYNE (who has VERA).

* * *

End Round Eight - Firefly 1: Supernatural 0


	9. Round 9: America's Next Top Model

Oh, I'm quite open to suggestions or even other peoples' works. If you've written one, be sure and let me know, because these things are just so fun to read.

* * *

Round Nine

* * *

Int. Photoshoot Set.

A brightly coloured room, one of the contestants is getting flickered by a photographer, a lighting technician checking the stadium lights. Pout, FLASH. Turn, FLASH. Eyebrow, FLASH.

FLASH FLASH FLASH.

He stops, though his face is still obscured the camera.

PHOTOGRAPHER  
Okay, that's great. Now can we get some where you're not looking like a beached whale?

The model starts crying and runs off.

ANGLE - over photographer's shoulder

As he checks the film, the lighting technician approaches and we see that it's SAM. He shakes his head.

The photographer lowers the camera to reveal:

DEAN  
What?

SAM  
Nothing. I'm just amazing how easily you fit in here. You're like a bitchy teenage girl.

Dean looks down at the camera. He raises it and flashes Sam in the face.

* * *

End Round Nine - Supernatural 1: America's Next Top Model 1


	10. Round 10: Heroes

Round Ten

* * *

EXT. KIRBY PLAZA - NIGHT.

Mohinder, Nikki, Forest - sorry, DL - Micah, Molly and Noah look on as Peter starts glowing. Claire runs to her father who gives her the gun. Slowly she approaches Peter, who is trying to hold it in.

PETER  
Do it.

Claire's hand wavers.

PETER (CONT'D)  
Do it! You're the only one Claire.

CLAIRE  
(crying)  
Tell me there's another way, please!

PETER  
(pleading)  
Shoot me, there is no other way.

BANG!

Claire looks down at the gun in her hand, shocked. She glances back up at Peter whose eyes light up, but not because of the radiation. Sparks echo across his skeleton as he convulses before he collapses, revealing the WINCHESTERS standing behind him, Sam holding the COLT. Dean turns to go, but Sam doesn't. In fact, Sam looks down at the prone figure and shoots him again. And again. And again and again and again and he's out of bullets.

Dean tentativetly puts a hand on Sam's shoulder, who just stares at the body. He got way too much enjoyment out of shooting Jess Mar-- Peter Petrelli.

Dean drags him down the street but not before Sam gets in a final triumphant 'take that!' smirk.

* * *

End Round Ten - Supernatural 1: Heroes 0


	11. Round 11: Toy Story

Round Eleven

* * *

INT. CHILDCARE CENTRE - NIGHT.

The door slowly opens as SAM and DEAN stealthily enter.

They look around the front desk until Sam's torch trails down the corridor.

SAM  
Dean.

Dean comes over to look and sighs at Sam before leading the way down the hall to the play centre.

They enter the room and find themselves surrounded by hundreds of toys.

DEAN  
(dumbstruck)  
You gotta be frickin' kidding me!

SAM  
(consoling)  
Look, we know the spirit's one  
of these toys, we just gotta...  
y'know... figure out which one.

Dean looks at Sam. A long, hard _'You gotta be shittin' me'_ look.

DEAN  
I got a better idea.

He holds up a container of lighter fluid.

SAM  
No Dean, we are not torching  
a day-care centre.

Dean shrugs it off.

DEAN  
Fine, you wanna waste the  
whole night playing 'which  
ones the spirit', be my guest.

Dean turns to leave.

SAM  
Dean, wait!

He pauses at the doorway.

SAM (CONT'D)  
(resigned)  
Give me the salt.

DEAN  
(smiling)  
That's my boy!

They start pouring salt and accelerant over all the toys. Suddenly they freeze when a recorded-sounding voice says;

TOY  
Reach for the sky!

They look to the left corner where it came from.

SAM  
Dean?

Dean holds up a cowboy.

DEAN  
(Deadpanning)  
Wow, I'm plenty scared.

Dean drops it, and jumps back ("AHH!") as Woody comes to life.

WOODY  
(getting up off the floor)  
Hi, um, sorry about that.  
Didn't mean to scare you.  
It's just that we don't get  
a lot of late night visitors,  
you see.

Suddenly ALL the toys come to life. Sam & Dean start backing out of the room, as they toys start advancing.

DEAN  
Sam, matches.

SAM  
You have the matches.

DEAN  
No I don't.

SAM  
Yes, you do.

They back into the doorframe. Dean starts looking around for something to set them on fire with.

A spaceman joins the cowboy.

BUZZ  
Hi, I'm Buzz-

SAM  
Aldrin?

BUZZ  
-Lightyear, actually.

Sam and Dean share a look. Hunh. As Buzz starts talking, Dean ducks down the hall.

BUZZ (CONT'D)  
And I'm sure this just one  
big misunderstanding, but  
I couldn't help but notice  
the, well...

He holds up his plastic arms which are covered in lighter fluid causing the grains of salt to stick to him.

WOODY  
And we were just  
wondering what exactly it  
was you were planning on  
doing?

SAM  
(not wanting to piss the toys off)  
Uhm... nothing. Nothing  
really, we were just-

Sam is cut off by Dean's rather loud:

DEAN (O.S.)  
Damnit, why isn't anything  
in this place flammable!?

MR. POTATO HEAD  
I knew it! You want to roast  
us! You basted and seasoned  
us just so you can have  
medium well done pork with a  
side of roasted potato! Admit it!

HAMM  
Hey, I didn't sign on to be  
anyone's main course.

REX  
What about me, what am I?

HAMM  
You're the exotic appetisers;  
food from far far ago.

SAM  
(overwhelmed)  
Uhh, Dean?

WOODY  
(placating)  
Now everybody calm down,  
I'm sure that's not what's  
going on.

MR. POTATO HEAD  
Oh sure, like you've got  
anything to worry about.  
You're too stringy to eat.

SAM  
DEAN!

CUT TO:  
INT. OFFICE - NIGHT.

Dean is rummaging like mad for an incendiary. In the back of the filing cabinet he finds a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

SAM (O.S.)  
DEAN!

Dean rushes out of the office, down the hall.

DEAN  
SAM!

He rounds the corner, lighter lit and poised to drop when he stops, incredulous.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
...Sam?

TWO DAYS LATER.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY.

Sam is packing his bag, Dean's already in the car.

DEAN (O.S.)  
Hurry up or we're leaving  
without you!

Sam huffs and throws everything in his bag, not bothering to zip it up as he runs out the door.

He tosses his bag in the back, but stops when he opens the passenger door.

SAM  
Uhh, Dean?

Dean looks up at him, his face a wall.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Why are they on my seat?

Dean smiles down at the assortment of toys occupying Sam's seat.

HAMM  
Isn't it obvious? We called  
shotgun.

Sam looks to Dean who merely shrugs.

DEAN  
You wanted to keep them.

Buzz buckles them in as Dean starts the engine.

Sam? Not a happy chappy.

* * *

End Round Eleven - Toy Story 1: Sam Winchester 0


	12. Round 12: Transformers

"Those new cars are no equal to the impala - she'll leave them standing." - Katrin Ven Helsing.

* * *

Round Twelve

* * *

EXT. A ROLLING COUNTRYSIDE - DAY.

The Impala cruises down the road, all sleek and sexy and ...Screeching to a halt?

Swerving onto the grass, the Impala does an abrupt 180° with such force that Sam and Dean are both thrown from the car.

Sam gets to his feet.

SAM  
What the hell did you do  
that for?

DEAN  
Like I would purposefully  
wear the tyres like that!

SAM  
Well, you were the one  
who was driving!

Before Dean can retort, the Impala shifts until it's no longer a car, but a rather tall robot. One of its hands transforms into a double barrel shotgun that immediately starts firing off rounds at an another incoming robot.

Sam and Dean stare transfixed as the new 'bot is blown to pieces by the Impala!bot. When there's nothing but flaming pieces of debris all over the paddock they crashed in, the Impala reverts back to its car state.

They boys blink, flabbergasted.

DEAN  
Hunh.

SAM  
Did it just...?

DEAN  
Yeah.

SAM  
Hunh.

They continue to stare.

SAM (CONT'D)  
(beat)  
Do you think Dad knew  
about that when he gave  
it to you?

Dean looks at Sam, and then back at the car before closing his eyes like one does when they're hoping they get the right answer.

DEAN  
Baby, you evil?

The silence lasts about four seconds before _Enter Sandman _starts playing.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
(smiling)  
Good enough!

Dean jumps back in the car. Cautiously, Sam follows.

* * *

End Round Twelve - Supernatural vs. Transformers: Tie


	13. Round 13: Moonlight

This is in kudos to the _Encyclopedia of Weirdness_ entry titled, "prank". If you don't know it - Google.

* * *

Round Thirteen

* * *

INT. MICK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT.

Josef and Mick are relaxing over a glass of blood. Mick's phone rings.

DEAN  
Hello, is this Mick St. John?

MICK  
Yes.

DEAN  
Hey Mick, I'm Brian Johnson  
from Westinghouse. I've  
been called on a routine  
enquiry. I'm just wondering...  
Is your refrigerator running?

Mick rolls his eyes. Instead of taking the bait, he responds in seriousness;

MICK  
No, actually. Good thing  
you called, it's been on the  
fritz for the past week.  
What time can you come  
around and have a look at it?

There's a silence over the line.

DEAN  
So let me get this straight.  
Your fridge is not running?

MICK  
That's correct.

DEAN  
Not at all.

MICK  
Yes.

DEAN  
Not moving an inch.

MICK  
Or a millimetre, even.

DEAN  
(hesitant)  
You... you sure about that?

MICK  
I am.

DEAN  
Positive?

MICK  
One hundred percent.

DEAN  
Oh.

There's a click as Dean hangs up. Mick turns back to Josef, who heard everything with his super-vamp-hearing.

JOSEF  
You think kids would come  
up with something new.  
But it's always the same  
old joke.

Mick shakes his head.

MICK  
That actually reminds me  
of something, hold on a  
minute.

Mick dashes upstairs to get a letter for Josef.

He stops when he passes his room. Slowly he backtracks and pushes open the door.

In the place normally occupied by his fridge is a note. He picks it up:

YOU STILL SURE ABOUT THAT?

Josef appears behind him, a hint of admiration in his voice.

JOSEF  
I stand corrected. They've  
taken it to a whole new level.

* * *

End Round Thirteen - Supernatural 1: Moonlight 0


	14. Round 14: Dark Angel

Round Fourteen

* * *

EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY.

Sam and Dean are walking down a busy, packed city street, dressed in their 'federal agents' monkeysuits. Bickering, as usual.

They reach the door to the city morgue before they realise someone is calling for them.

They turn around to see a young woman on a pushbike. She stops a metre away.

MAX  
Jam Pony messenger. I  
have a delivery.

SAM  
For us?

MAX  
(reading clipboard)  
For "two men dressed in  
suits about to enter the  
city morgue at  
approximately 12:40p.m."

She checks her watch.

MAX (CONT'D)  
12:39 close enough?

SAM  
There must be some sort  
of mis-

DEAN  
What's in it?

MAX  
I don't know, I'm just the  
messenger. But the return  
address is South Dakota.  
Sign here, please.

The boys share a look before Dean shrugs and Sam signs the form.

Max hands over the package and hops back on her bike, whistling _Looney Tunes_ as she rides away.

SAM  
Dean, maybe we shouldn't-

Dean ignores Sam and rips the package open.

**BOOM!**

Covered in soot, their hair askew; the Winchesters decided to cancel their appointment at the morgue to go home, shower and replace the tatters that were the remains of their once seemingly pristine suits.

Around the corner, a certain bike messenger watches with a smile on her face.

MAX  
That's all, folks.

She rides off.

* * *

End Round Fourteen - Dark Angel 1: Supernatural 0


	15. Round 15: Idol

Round Fifteen

* * *

INT. AUDITION ROOM.  
Paula, Simon and Randy (Or, if you're Australian like me; Marcia, Mark, Dicko and Kyle) sit behind their table. A hesitant twenty-something stands in the middle of the room.

Closing his eyes, he begins to sing, not too shabby, but not great either.

AUDITION #4157  
_And I would do anything for love..._

When he gets to the end of the verse unimpeded, he cracks open an eye to gauge the response.

Slumped over their tables, the judges each have a bullet-hole sniped between their eyes, and in Mr. Sandilands case, a lot of holes.

Freaking out, the kid looks around for the cause of the multiple homicide. Unable to find it, he scatters.

* * *

End Round Fifteen - Supernatural 1: Idol 0


	16. Round 16: Reaper

"How about _Reaper_? Sam & Dean can so kick the Devil in that one." - Katrin Van Helsing.

* * *

Round Sixteen

* * *

INT. THE WORKBENCH - DAY.

SAM OLIVER is working the counter. He hands one woman her change, and as she leaves turns to his next customer. Speak of the Devil-

DEVIL  
I thought we had an  
understanding Sam.

SAM  
We do, it's just-

DEVIL  
The understanding was  
that you'd be returning  
lost souls to hell, not  
buying them a round  
with your plebeian friends.

Offended at the insult towards his friends, Sam's tone changes from pleading to steadfast.

SAM  
I don't think he should  
go to hell.

DEVIL  
(smiling indulgently)  
That's cute, Sammy. That  
you believe what you  
think matters.

He drops the act.

DEVIL (CONT'D)  
Now, you better send him  
back to hell in the next five  
minutes or your little friend  
Andi is going to-

IMPATIENT CUSTOMER  
Excuse me.

The Devil turns around. DEAN'S standing behind him in the queue, holding a drill and revving it in co-incision with his eyebrows.

DEAN  
Want to hurry it up there?  
Some of us don't have all day.

DEVIL  
(unamused)  
No, you don't.

DEAN  
(understanding)  
Lucifer.

He looks him over.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
Nice suit.

Not giving The Devil a chance to reply, Dean rears back and punches him in the face. Sock appears over Dean's shoulder.

SOCK  
Oh man, you just punched  
the **Devil!**

Sock puts up his hand for a high five. Dean raises his own, which still has the drill. _Vlrlrlrlrrrrr_.

Sock lowers his hand.

* * *

End Round Sixteen - Supernatural 1: Reaper 0


	17. Round 17: Clichéd Jokes

Round Seventeen

* * *

INT. BAR - NIGHT.

The Winchesters walked into a bar.

SAM & DEAN  
Ouch!

* * *

End Round Seventeen - Clichéd Jokes 1: Supernatural 0


	18. Round 18

"When I told Dad I was afraid of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45." - Sam Winchester, _Pilot_.

* * *

Round Eighteen

* * *

INT. CHILD'S BEDROOM - NIGHT.

The moon shines in through the window, casting a light on two small, sleeping forms in identical beds.

Slowly, the closet door creaks open, the noise startling the youngest. His eyes are open wide, but his body is frozen to the bed, too scared to even move the blanket closer.

He sneaks a look at the door, but doesn't see anything.

Slowly he sits up, and checks the other bed. Nothing but soft snores.

Tentatively, he puts his feet on the ground, and then unnecessarily runs out of the room.

INT. LOUNGE ROOM - NIGHT.

Though it's late, his father is still at the table, reading an obscure text and making notes. As he approaches, John stops his research to give him his full attention.

WEE!CHESTER SAM  
There's something in my  
closet.

Silence. John looks Sam up and down before reaching over the table and picking up a .45 And handing it out for him to take.

Sam does so, using both hands as it's too heavy for him to carry in one. He looks to his father, who has already returned to his notes.

JOHN  
Don't forget to take the  
safety off.

Sam looks down at it.

INT. CHILD'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Sam peeks back in the room; Dean's no longer snoring.

WEE!CHESTER SAM  
You awake?

Dean cuts to the chase, obviously he overheard.

WEE!CHESTER DEAN  
Dad give you a gun?

WEE!CHESTER SAM  
Yeah.

WEE!CHESTER DEAN  
(yawning)  
Awesome.

Dean rolls over to sleep, but stops when he sees Sam standing by his bed.

WEE!CHESTER DEAN (CONT'D)  
(groggily cantankerous)  
What?

Sam holds out the gun. Dean sighs and tucks it under his pillow as Sam goes back to his own bed.

Unable to sleep, Sam's eyes scan the room, his ears peeled for any sound.

WEE!CHESTER SAM  
(whispering)  
Dean, you asleep?

WEE!CHESTER DEAN  
Nnnhhh.

Silent pitter patters of movement can be heard, growing closer and closer to Sam's bed. He shuts his eyes in fear.

From seemingly nothing, a lizardic creatures appears, casting a shadow over the bed as he towers over the too rigid form on it. As it prepares to make its move, its halted by the unmistakable CLICK of the .45 from the other bed.

The lizard is back through the closet, the door shut behind it in less time than it takes to blink.

WEE!CHESTER SAM  
(beat)  
See, I told you there was  
a monster in the closet!

* * *

End Round Eighteen - Wee!chesters 1: Monsters, Inc. 0


	19. Round 19: Psych

Round Nineteen

* * *

EXT. MOTEL - DAY.

SHAWN is sitting in the car while GUS goes to ask the motel owner the location of a local antique store for a case.

Gus returns to find Shawn staring intently at a car out the window.

SHAWN  
Hey, check it out Gus.

Gus looks over at the car.

GUS  
The car?

SHAWN  
Yeah.

GUS  
What about it?

SHAWN  
I've seen it before,  
somewhere.

GUS  
Where?

SHAWN  
That's the thing, I don't  
remember.

Gus smiles.

GUS  
FINALLY!

Shawn looks at him.

GUS (CONT'D)  
About time you forgot  
something  
(earnestly)  
I was beginning to think  
you weren't human.

SHAWN  
This coming from the  
man who thinks  
windbreakers are cool.

GUS  
Windbreakers ARE cool!

SHAWN  
Oh please, for like two  
months you wore one  
with KITT's licence plate...

Shawn looks at the car's licence plate: CNQ 083.

FLASH: The licence plate on a report.

As Shawn stares at the car, the words BLACK, CHEVY, IMPALA, All FLASH through his mind from the same report.

SHAWN (CONT'D)  
Gus, get the Chief. Get  
the FBI - Hell, get President!

Gus starts dialling.

GUS  
Why?

SHAWN  
(dramatically)  
We just caught us some  
fugitives.

EXT. MOTEL - TEN MINUTES LATER

A silver car pulls up. JULES and the CHIEF get out.

SHAWN  
(to Gus)  
This is it? I say to call  
everyone and all you can  
manage is Jules and Lassie-  
(he glances back at them)  
You couldn't even get Lassie?

Shawn looks cut.

KAREN  
Detective Lassiter is  
currently on a very  
important case. I saw no  
need to pull him off it for  
one of your little displays.

SHAWN  
Firstly, I'm disappointed.  
My 'displays' are always  
entertaining. Jules can  
barely contain her  
excitement, just look at her.

They all look at Jules who's staring back impassive.

SHAWN (CONT'D)  
Secondly, when have I  
ever been wrong?

Jules opens her mouth to answer.

SHAWN (CONT'D)  
(cutting her off)  
Rhetorical.

KAREN  
Mr. Spencer-

SHAWN  
Cut to the chase, I know.  
(sighs)  
Even the Stones did little  
shows before they hit the  
big time, I suppose.  
(composes)  
Anyway, while Gus and I  
were on an afternoon  
drive, I happened to feel  
a strong psychic  
reverberation. I managed  
to narrow it down to this  
motel, but lost it when you  
two showed up. Now if  
you'll permit me a minutes  
silence, I shall try to contact  
the forces again and  
determine what they were  
trying to say.

The women fold their arms as Shawn puts his hand to his temple.

SHAWN (CONT'D)  
I'm getting something.  
Death... Dead... Dead actors!  
No, that doesn't sound right.

GUS  
Playing dead?

SHAWN  
Yes, that's definitely it.

JULES  
So someone's faked their  
own death?

SHAWN  
Not some one, some _ones_.  
Yes, there's definitely more  
than one of them.

He cocks his head as though he's listening to someone.

SHAWN (CONT'D)  
Three?  
(he shakes his head)  
Five? Eight?

He drops his hand and looks at a random space of air.

SHAWN (CONT'D)  
Well it's not exactly easy,  
you know. You could help  
me out. You know-  
(changes his voice)  
"Higher" "Lower"  
(back to normal)  
-_A Price is Right _thing. Don't  
leave me to figure it out on  
my own. It could be seven  
thousand and forty-six for  
all I know.

Jules and Karen look exasperated.

SHAWN (CONT'D)  
(listening)  
Two? There's two? Thanks,  
my next guess was going to  
be twelve.  
(looking back at Jules and Karen)  
There's two of them.

They raise an eyebrow.

SHAWN (CONT'D)  
And they're... cowboys? No.  
James? Jesse? Why are  
these two names echoing in  
my head?

JULES  
You mean Jesse James the  
outlaw?

SHAWN  
Yes! They're outlaws!  
Pulled in many directions...

GUS  
They're wanted in multiple  
states?

SHAWN  
Yes. And their names are...  
Rifle? Colt? That's not right.  
Help me out here, guys.

GUS  
(helpful)  
Magnum?

JULES  
(helpful)  
Revolver?

KAREN  
(bored)  
Winchester?

SHAWN  
Yes! Winchester!

JULES  
So you're saying that  
there are two felons  
named Winchester staying  
at this motel?

SHAWN  
I guess I am.

The women turn to their car.

SHAWN (CONT'D)  
Whoa, where are you  
going?

KAREN  
You can't expect us to just  
knock down every door in  
this motel without  
substantiating the fact that  
you 'sense' two wanted  
criminals in one of the rooms?

Shawn glances over at the room the car's parked in front of.

SHAWN  
Room five.

KAREN  
Still, we can't do anything  
until we know for sure that  
they are in fact wanted by  
the authorities. If they are,  
we will come back with  
backup and warrants for  
their arrest.

She starts heading back to the car.

SHAWN  
No, but you don't  
understand, they won't be  
here!  
(he puts his hand to his head)  
Ahh! I'm sensing something  
very strong-

GUS  
Shawn...

SHAWN  
-very imminent-

GUS  
They're gone, Shawn.

He drops his hand.

SHAWN  
Crap.

DEAN (O.S.)  
You know what I'm sensing?

Shawn and Gus freeze.

DEAN (O.S.) (CONT'D)  
I'm sensing a gun-

CLICK.

DEAN (O.S.) (CONT'D)  
-Aimed at your head.

Shawn turns around to stare down the barrel of a sawn-off.

* * *

End Round Nineteen - Supernatural 1: Psych 0


	20. Round 20: Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog

Transcripts of the ep "Nightshifter" taken from Supernaturalwiki. com

* * *

Round Twenty

* * *

INT. BANK - NIGHT.

SAM and DEAN are in two different sections, talking via phone.

SAM  
Slipped his skin.

DEAN  
What?

SAM  
Yeah, bastard shifts fast. A  
lot faster than the one in  
St. Louis.

DEAN  
God, it's like playing the  
shell game. It could be  
anybody. Again.

SAM  
Yeah, I think most of the  
employees are out of the  
vault by now.

DEAN  
All right, you search every  
inch of this place, I'm gonna  
go round everybody up.

INT. COMMAND CENTER

One of the officers hangs up the phone.

OFFICER  
Crap.

DETECTIVE  
What?

OFFICER  
He's here.

DETECTIVE  
Oh, crap.

INT. VAULT.

Dean herds everyone back  
in the vault.

SHERRY  
And I thought you were  
one of the good guys.

DEAN  
What's your name?

SHERRY  
Why would you care?

DEAN  
My name's Dean.

SHERRY  
I'm Sherry.

DEAN  
Hi, Sherry. Everything's  
going to be all right. This  
will all be over soon.

He shuts the door and spins the lock. He turns around and comes face to fist.

TWO MINUTES LATER:

THE VAULT DOOR OPENS,

Revealing CAPTAIN HAMMER; black gloves, brown tee and 80 percent cheesier-than-most grin.

CAPTAIN HAMMER  
(singing)  
_Don't you fret folks, the  
trouble's surely passed.  
__Captain Hammer's here  
and the bad guy's on their ass..._

As he goes on, the camera pans behind him to Sam and Dean, who are tied up to a column with the phone cord.

DEAN  
Is he singing?

SAM  
I think so.

Dean cringes.

DEAN  
Sammy, I need to hear  
some good news, tell me  
you got him.

SAM  
Actually...

DEAN  
What?

SAM  
The shifter was in the vault.

They look over as the hostages make their way out. One of them looks over at the Winchesters and smiles, their eyes FLASHING.

DEAN  
(sighing)  
Captain Tool saves the  
day again.

He struggles with the cord, frustrated. It won't budge.

* * *

End Round Twenty - Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog 1: Supernatural 0


	21. Round 21: Harry Potter

Round Twenty-One

* * *

EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT

A circle of DEATH EATERS surrounds HARRY and VOLDEMORT as their wands connect, creating a giant field of magic between them. They struggle in earnest to push the beam towards each other. Harry is losing.

It is just about to reach the tip of his wand when-

BAM!

Voldemort's end of the connection is broken. He lies sprawled on the ground, his wand twirling in the hands of DEAN, who stands over him. He pulls out THE COLT and fires right between the eyes. Voldemort spasms and dies.

SAM'S standing next to him, nose in a book.

SAM  
It says here that he split his soul in seven.

DEAN  
Seven, eh?

Dean fires six more shots.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
That should cover it.

SAM  
...And hid them in separate places.

DEAN  
What? Well, where the hell are they!?

Sam flips through a few pages, and we see the book is "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows".

SAM  
Well, The diary was destroyed already, and  
I think Dumbledore gets the ring two years  
from now... Ahh, there's a cup in a vault at  
Gringotts.

DEAN  
The goblin place? Nuh-uh, pick another one.

SAM  
Dean, you can't just decide which ones you  
want to--

He stops, seeing the stubborn look on Dean's face.

SAM (CONT'D)  
(sighs)  
Fine. There's... One in the snake...

Dean turns around and points in a random direction. The Death Eaters apparate out of his way (and out of the cemetery, the pansies). When the area's clear, he spots Nagini passing through the unkempt grass.

BANG!

SAM (CONT'D)  
...One in the Room of Requirement...

DEAN  
At Hogwarts? Awesome! Let's go!

Dean starts to head off.

SAM  
Wait!

Dean turns. Sam gestures to Harry, frozen in slack-jawed wonder.

DEAN  
Oh, right. Potter.

Dean raises the colt to fire.

SAM  
Dean, what the hell!? We're not gonna shoot  
him!

DEAN  
He's evil, Sam! We don't have a choice.

SAM  
Bobby said he found a spell that'll transfer  
the horcrux. We don't have to hurt him.

DEAN  
Yes we do, Sam.

SAM  
(hurt/annoyed)  
Why? Because me might possibly one day  
become evil?

DEAN  
It's not a possibility, Sam! He turns into a  
whiny little bitch next year, I know!

SAM  
You... you read the book?

Dean shifts uncomfortably.

SAM (CONT'D)  
When?

DEAN  
It doesn't matter. The point is, it's for the  
greater good.

SAM  
(concedes)  
He did get kinda annoying...

BANG! Dean shoots Harry.

SAM (CONT'D)  
...But then, if you kill him, who's going to go  
get the horcrux out of Gringotts?

DEAN  
You just had to wait until after I shot him,  
didn't you?

Sam shrugs. Dean storms off. Sam calls after him.

SAM  
Dean, where are you going?

DEAN  
To find some of this Firewhiskey I keep  
hearing about!

* * *

End Round Twenty-One - Supernatural 1: Harry Potter 0


	22. Round 22: Stargate Atlantis

Round Twenty-Two

* * *

EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT.

It's the standard salt and burn, except we have RONON and TEYLA digging up the grave whilst McKAY watches.

MCKAY  
God, this is taking forever.

RONON  
Grab a shovel.

McKay scoffs, Ronon wasn't joking. McKay sobers.

MCKAY  
You can't be serious. Besides,  
you can't fit a third person in there.

TEYLA  
Perhaps it is time for a switch, then.

MCKAY  
What? Nononononono no. I can't  
dig, I uhh... I have to be on lookout  
in case something strange happens.

He taps the miniature life signs detector as though that absolves him from all physical labour.

RONON  
Will that even work?

MCKAY  
What?

RONON  
Well, if it is a ghost we're hunting,  
don't they have no life signs to pick up?

MCKAY  
(proudly)  
Aha! I already thought of that, that's  
why I calibrated it to detect disturbances  
in the Electromagnetic Field.

SHEPPARD appears.

SHEPPARD  
Nothing on the perimeter. You guys  
finished yet?

TEYLA  
Almost.

They hit the coffin and Teyla hops out whilst Ronon pries it open. They stare down at the corpse and Sheppard claps McKay on the back.

SHEPPARD  
There, see - and you thought it was  
going to be hard.

MCKAY  
Oh please, digging up the grave is  
relatively easy compared to-

RONON  
Then why didn't you help?

MCKAY  
(glares at Ronon)  
...Dispensing of the spirit. They seem  
to posses some sort post-death  
survival instinct that lets them know  
when they're about to be destroyed,  
and then they start to throw you into  
trees and toss you into gravestones...

He trails off at their looks. Okay, so maybe he was a rambling a little.

MCKAY (CONT'D)  
...Or so I've heard.

SHEPPARD  
Cheer up Rodney. We've made it this far,  
and besides - if the Winchesters can do  
it, I don't see why we can't.

Teyla pours the salt and Ronon the accelerant. Sheppard lights a match.

True to form, the EMF goes wild and the GHOST appears and does everything McKay mentioned. It disarms Sheppard and then throws him into a tree. Ronon gets a shot off with his gun before he's tossed into a gravestone. Teyla barely manages to pick up the shotgun before she, too, goes flying.

The ghost advances on McKay.

Just before it can do anything, it dissipates from a ROCK SALT BLAST, revealing DEAN standing there with a shotgun.

MCKAY  
Are you crazy, you almost shot me!

Dean wastes no time and in burning the remains. Teyla and Ronon make their way back over, and Sam is helping Sheppard to his feet.

SAM  
You know, it might be easier to just  
watch the show.

* * *

End Round Twenty-Two - Supernatural 1: Stargate Atlantis 0


	23. Round 23: Twilight

Round Twenty-Three

* * *

EXT. FIELD - DAY

DEAN and SAM are at one side of the field, the CULLENS at the other. Dean looks at them and shakes his head.

DEAN  
Let's get out of here, Sam.

SAM  
Dean, you agreed. We need an army  
to fight Lucifer, and that means every  
person we can get. Lenore vouched  
for them, said they don't hunt people--

DEAN  
I know that Sam, it's just...

SAM  
Just what?

DEAN  
You gotta admit they're kinda weird.

Sam looks across the clearing, not seeing anything amiss.

DEAN  
Oh come on Sam!  
(gestures to Renesme)  
She's six months old! Six weeks,  
Sam! Rabbits aren't even that bad!

SAM  
Rabbit's a much worse, Dean.  
And we've already been over this--

DEAN  
They're not natural, Sam!

Sam levels him a look.

SAM  
You mean like the 'natural  
vampires' that we normally come  
across?

DEAN  
Hey, compared to these guys they  
are! All they wanted was to sleep  
all day and party all night.  
(points to Emmett and Rosalie)  
They're getting married!  
(and Bela)  
She has a kid!  
(Alice)  
She says gasundheit before I  
even friggin' sneeze, and  
(Edward)  
He only has one facial expression!  
Come on Sam, you gotta know  
that ain't right!

SAM  
Look Dean, just because you...

Sam trails off as the clouds move, revealing the vampires in their sparkly wonder.

SAM  
...Are they... sparkling?

Dean is too stunned to speak.

SAM  
....Get the machetes.

* * *

End Round Twenty-Three - Supernatural 0: Twilight 1*

* * *

*It should be emphatically noted that this score only stands because Sam and Dean were too afraid to actually go near the Cullens for fear that they would catch something.


	24. Round 24: Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog

Round Twenty-Four

* * *

INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT.

It's dirty and long abandoned. Devil's traps and sigils are lining the walls, floors and ceilings. A RUMBLE reverberates through the buildings' foundations. LATIN can be heard from the open area down the end of the corridor.

ANGLE - HANDHELD POV

The camera trails around the corner, and we see the WINCHESTERS side-on, and the edge of a devil's trap. SAM's chanting an exorcism whilst DEAN looks on, prepared. STRUGGLING GRUNTS can be heard just off screen.

Just as Sam reaches a crescendo, the demon lets loose with a burst of power, sending the Sam to his knees, and Dean flying into a wall.

SAM  
DEAN!?

DEAN  
I'm fine, just finish it!

Sam turns back and completes the exorcism and as the black smoke rises to the ceiling, the THUD of a body hitting the ground can be heard.

Sam helps Dean up.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
Well, this has definitely  
got to be the weirdest  
exorcism we've ever done.

SAM  
Tell me about it.

They look over to the body.

DEAN  
So you're saying this guy  
was running an evil  
organisation?

SAM  
Yeah, the Evil League of  
Evil, if memory serves.

DEAN  
...As a horse?

The shot reveals enough to see that it is actually a horse lying sprawled about the ground.

SAM  
Yeah.

DEAN  
And no one questioned it?

SAM  
(brow furrows)  
Apparently not.

DEAN  
(beat)  
Man, L.A. is one messed up town.

* * *

End Round Twenty-Four - Supernatural 1: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog 1


	25. Round 25: Labyrinth

Black-Raven3 asked for Labyrinth, hope you like.

* * *

Round Twenty-Five

* * *

EXT. MAZE - DAY

SAM and DEAN are, let's face it, lost.

SAM  
Maybe we should go-

DEAN  
No, Sam. No. Whatever you're  
going to say - no. I'm not listening  
to your suggestions anymore.

SAM  
Dean...

DEAN  
What in your right mind possessed  
you to make a pack with a goblin king?  
(beat)  
That's it, isn't it? You're possessed.

SAM  
I'm not poss-

DEAN  
Chisto.

SAM  
-essed, would you stop saying  
Christo? It didn't work the first  
seventeen times, do you really think  
it's going to now?

DEAN  
(beat)  
Christo.

SAM  
(exasperated)  
Look, I summoned the Goblin King  
because we only have three days  
until your deal is up, Dean. And I for  
one don't want to see you go to hell.

DEAN  
But you do want to see me here?  
In this maze? Or would you rather  
the smelly-ass swamp-

SAM  
Bog of Eternal Stench.

Dean holds up a finger in warning.

DEAN  
...Bog, stuck in some backwards  
land with a king that likes to break  
into song? No thanks, I'd rather take  
my chances in Hell.

SAM  
Dean, stop being childish. I talked  
it over with Jareth and he agreed  
that you could stay here until I find  
a permanent solution, and you won't  
have to marry him.

DEAN  
...Marry him? I had to...  
(folds arms and glares)  
Christo.

SAM  
Dean, cut that out!

DEAN  
Well, what did he want in return,  
Sam? Goblin Kings don't go around  
offering freebies.

SAM  
He wanted me to get a message to  
someone on the outside world.

DEAN  
Who?

SAM  
Sarah Williams.

DEAN  
Who's Sarah Williams?

SAM  
I don't know.

DEAN  
Well you can't do it, Sam. He's the  
**Goblin King** for christsakes, nothing  
good can come of it.

SAM  
He didn't say I had to kidnap her,  
or kill her or do anything except give  
her a message, and frankly, if it  
stops you from going to hell, it's  
worth it.

DEAN  
What message?

SAM  
(hesitant)  
I don't know.

DEAN  
I don't like it, Sam.

SAM  
I know, Dean.

DEAN  
You know what else? Christo.

Sam rolls his eyes and walks away.

DEAN  
Sam?

Sam ignores him

DEAN (CONT'D)  
Saaaam.

Sam reluctantly stops and turns around. Dean points behind him. Sam checks both directions before heeding his brother's advice.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
And you're the one that's going to  
save me?

SAM  
(passing Dean)  
Shut up, Dean.

DEAN  
Christo.

* * *

End Round Twenty-Five - Labyrinth 1: Supernatural 0


	26. Round 26: WWE

Round Twenty-Six

* * *

EXT. BARREN STREET - DAY

MICHAEL-AS-DEAN is facing off against LUCIFER-AS-SAM, with a POSSE OF ANGELS watching on the sidelines.

MICHAEL-AS-DEAN  
If you think Lucifer should go  
back to Hell, give me a 'Hell Yeah'!

POSSE  
HELL YEAH!

Michael-as-Dean's reply is interrupted by a BALD-HEADED BASTARD who, pissed off at the blatant rip-off of his catchphrase, storms up to Michael-as-Dean, kicks him in the stomach and then stone cold stuns him.

Two beers come flying over the crowd to our redneck interrupter, who takes them with fervent glee, flips off everyone and then departs.

* * *

End Round Twenty-Six - Supernatural 0: WWE 1

* * *

Because Stone Cold wouldn't pick a side in the apocalypse; he'd be his own damn side.


	27. Round 27: Monty Python & the Holy Grail

Round Twenty-Seven

* * *

EXT. FOREST - DAY.

SAM and DEAN are walking about; Dean is increasingly annoyed. Sam opens his mouth to speak;

DEAN  
Don't.

Sam shuts his mouth. After a few seconds, he opens it again.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
Don't.

SAM  
(imploring)  
Dean...

DEAN  
(warning)  
Sam...

SAM  
I'm sorry, okay?

DEAN  
Sorry doesn't help our situation,  
Sam.

SAM  
I know, I'm working on it.

Dean steps in some mud and makes a face.

DEAN  
Work faster. I don't want that...  
_thing_ to catch up to us while  
we're lost in this stupid forest.

SAM  
It's not a "thing", Dean. It's a  
person.

DEAN  
It's supposed to be a thing. "The  
Three-Headed Beast of the North  
Wood" is supposed to be some  
fierce, weird-ass creature; not  
an annoying, giant, siamese  
triplet.

SAM  
(sighs)  
I know, Dean...

DEAN  
You wanted to come here, Sam. The  
most mystical and dangerous  
phenomena since the Bermuda  
Triangle, you said.  
(falsetto)  
"It's been moving from forest to  
forest since the time of King  
Arthur and his round table,  
Dean."

Sam sighs, he's heard all this before.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
So far the only dangerous thing  
about this place is that we can't  
find the goddamn exit sign. If we  
don't get out of here soon, I'm  
going to go insane.

Sam stays silent, unwilling to say anything that will start Dean up again.

Dean keeps ranting as they approach -

EXT. CLEARING - DAY.

There's a small bridge over a dry creek bed. Standing on top is a knight dressed in black.

BLACK KNIGHT  
None shall pass.

DEAN  
...and that stupid guy who was  
supposed to ask us three  
challenges - how the hell is my  
favourite colour a challenge?

Dean's ranting is halted by the Knight blocking their path.

BLACK KNIGHT  
None shall pass.

Dean blinks, pulls out his gun to shoot the Knight right in the eye-slot. The Knight is frozen silent.

BLACK KNIGHT (CONT'D)  
(beat)  
...None shall pass.

Hunh, Dean trades a look with Sam.

SAM  
Zombie?

DEAN  
Got a silver stake?

SAM  
No.

DEAN  
We don't have time for this.

BLACK KNIGHT  
None shall pass.

Dean lowers his gun and shoots in the armour gap at his neck. The Knight crumbles, now a quadriplegic. They walk past.

BLACK KNIGHT (CONT'D)  
Oi! Get back here! What part of,  
"none shall pass" do you not  
understand?!

DEAN  
(still walking)  
Yeah, why don't you stop us then?

BLACK KNIGHT  
I will! Come back here and I'll  
bloody stop you!

They're gone.

BLACK KNIGHT (CONT'D)  
I'll rip yer bleedin' hearts out  
with my teeth! Cowards! Cowards!

* * *

End Round Twenty-Seven - Supernatural 1: Monty Python and the Holy Grail 0


	28. Round 28: Addam's Family

Round Twenty-Eight

* * *

EXT. ADDAM'S MANOR - CEMETERY - NIGHT.

SAM and DEAN are crouched behind a tombstone, hiding.

CASTIEL'S standing out in the open.

DEAN  
Uhh, Cas? Don't you think you're  
missing the point of stealth?

CASTIEL  
They are currently functioning a  
celebration; they don't know of  
our presence.

Sam and Dean rolls their eyes and stand up.

DEAN  
So you're sure that this...  
what's her name?

CASTIEL  
Alluriel.

DEAN  
Right. Are you sure she's here?

CASTIEL  
I am sure.

They stand there for a second.

SAM  
Right, so what do we do?

CASTIEL  
We... blend in.

Sam and Dean share puzzled looks. Cas remains impassive.

INT. ADDAM'S BALLROOM - NIGHT.

There's a party in full swing. They enter separately to draw less suspicion. Sam goes first. His hair is slicked back and he's dressed in a black tux with a red rose in the lapel. He makes it halfway across the room before Dean enters.

Dean's hair is looking slightly emo underneath a bowler hat. With the suit, cane and eyeshadow he looks a lot like Alex from "A Clockwork Orange".

A few minutes later Cas strides in, his usual accountant self. Dean and Sam glare from their vantage points across the room. They're getting the suspicion they've just been had.

FLORA & FAUNA  
Why hello there.

They've spotted Dean, and damn if they're gonna let him go.

DEAN  
Uhh, hi ladies...

He makes a 'cry for help' face. Sam heads over.

SAM  
Hello ladies. Sorry to interrupt  
but I need to borrow Dean for a  
minute.

They look put out.

FLORA  
Your name's Dean?

Dean is taken aback.

DEAN  
Yeah... Yeah, you can't blame my  
parents.

GOMEZ (O.S.)  
No, but we can skillet them.

Flora and fauna laugh. Not wanting to get caught out, he does to, awkwardly. He makes a face at Sam when they're not looking.

GOMEZ (CONT'D)  
I don't believe I've had the  
honour to meet the man who would  
steal the two loveliest ladies  
away.

They blush.

FLORA  
Gomez, stop!

FAUNA  
No, don't stop!

Dean and Gomez shake hands. He then turns to Sam.

GOMEZ  
And you, fine sir?

Sam spots Cas across the room talking to someone.

SAM  
Uhh, I'll be right back.

He takes off.

FAUNA  
How rude!

The girls smile appreciatively.

INT. BALLROOM - ELSEWHERE - NIGHT.

Sam catches up with Cas as he's about to make a scene by forcibly removing someone from the room.

SAM  
Uhh, Cas? Remember that thing  
about stealth?

He tries to pull Cas away, but it's like moving a statue.

CASTIEL  
This is Alluriel, you must kill  
her.

Sam looks - it's WEDNESDAY. She stares at them impassively.

WEDNESDAY  
You don't belong here.

CASTIEL  
Neither do you. Sam, strike her  
with the knife, quickly.

WEDNESDAY  
(indifferent)

SAM  
(conscious of people)  
Okay, um... well, maybe we should  
go somewhere else...

Cas grabs Wednesday and turns to leave. A giant mass of hair is in his way.

ITT  
(muffled murmuring)

SAM  
(beat)  
Uhh...

DEAN appears in that moment, dressed in normal flannel. He smiles politely at Itt and gestures our of the room.

DEAN  
Hey, you're needed outside for a  
minute.

He leads Itt away, but not before turning to Sam;

DEAN (CONT'D)  
(meaningfully)  
Remind me about this later.

Sam blinks, and then comes back to himself.

SAM  
Uhh, okay.

He and Cas lead Wednesday outside, who follows without a care.

EXT. ADDAM'S MANOR - CEMETERY - NIGHT.

Once outside, Wednesday slips out of Cas' grip and runs off into the cemetery. Cas and Sam follow her to a mausoleum in the middle. Cas stops.

CASTIEL  
This building is warded, I can go  
no further.

Sam nods and enters.

INT. MAUSOLEUM - NIGHT.

There's no one in there. Sam looks and looks. But can't find her.

EXT. ADDAM'S MANOR - CEMETERY - CONTINUOUS

Sam comes outside and throws his hands up in surrender.

CASTIEL  
Were you successful?

SAM  
She's gone.

CASTIEL  
That's impossible, I would have  
sensed her leave.

Sam can only shrug.

SAM  
Let's just get Dean and get out  
of here.

They leave.

INT. MAUSOLEUM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Wednesday emerges from the hiding spot in the coffin, a small smile on her face.

INT. BALLROOM - CONTINUOUS

There's a circle, Gomez and Dean are in the middle. Music is playing and everyone is watching entranced.

Dean has no idea what the hell's going on. It doesn't help matters when two wicked blades are tossed to Gomez by some random. His eyes widen and he barely has time to catch the ones that come his way as he takes in the manic grin on Gomez' face.

* * *

End Round Twenty-Eight - Addam's Family 1: Supernatural 0


	29. Round 29

Yeah, I'm too lazy to change this into script format. It's not that long, anyway.

* * *

Round Twenty-Nine

* * *

When Dean came to he was in a warehouse, tied to a chair.

This wasn't entirely unexpected - weeks of chasing down a demonic mercenery group called the Hounds had put them on the bad side of not only its memebers, but those that would hire them. He and Sam had managed to kill most of them - by the reports there were only two or three left - but their leader, their Bossman, had managed to elude them. Hell, they didn't even know his name. The closest they had gotten was in Alabama; they'd interrupted a cult's suicide plan and killed the Hound that tried to weasel them into it. On their way out the door a low, resonating laugh echoed through the now-vacant townhouse, shaking the foundation with it's power. He was their guy, they knew it.

But all they could find was a series of names over the years like The Bossman, The Alpha... nothing specific like Fred or Jeremy, which would be useful in a summoning spell or anything else. The best they could do was interrogate the Hounds when they caught them, but that never helped. A little voice in the back of Dean's head suggested that he knew a way to get answers out of them, but the more civilised - and fearful - part of him declared that times were not that desperate. Yet.

Which is why he was currently tied to a chair, waiting for whichever Hound had caught him to make itself known. He was bait, and one of those demonic bastards had finally decided to bite.

He surveyed the empty warehouse for a good five minutes, and then tried to scratch his nose for the next five. When he finally gave up on that, he resorted to humming Journey and tapping his foot. If Sam asked later he would tell him that it was Deep Purple or Metallica, of course.

Halfway into the second chorus, one of the shadows in the corner moved. Demon. Hound, had to be. He was wearing the same black suit and tie as all the others. He was possessing some non-descript guy and was looking at him with his head cocked in what Dean wasn't foolish enough to think was curiosity. As he crossed the floor, the soft foot-falls reminded Dean that he hadn't heard this demon enter; he must have been in here the whole time.

He came to a stop in front of Dean, and under the lone dangling light he could make out its pale, yellow eyes. It stared Dean down for a good two minutes before casually reaching into its pocket and pulling out a switchblade. "Your brother is going to be a bit late," was all he said, but the _schwick_ of the blade opening let Dean imagine the implication of what he was going to do to pass the time. Yeah, plan not going so well.

Dean played it cool, all the while trying to cut and paste a Plan B together in his mind. His train of thought was interrupted by the crackle of the radio along one of the walls; obviously the demon's doing. He looked up and was about to make some remark on the subject when the demon beat him to it;

"Ever listen to K Billy's Super Sounds of the Seventies?"

* * *

End Round Twenty-Nine - Reservoir Dogs 1: Supernatural 0


	30. Round 30: Monty Python & the Holy Grail

Round Thirty

* * *

EXT. FOREST - DAY.

They boys are a-walking, still.

DEAN  
I still don't see why we had to  
leave those nuns.

SAM  
You were the one that wanted to  
get out of here. And besides,  
knowing this place you'd probably  
would have caught something.

DEAN  
(innocently)  
Like what, genital herpes?

Sam ignores him.

They come to a stop in front of a two-tiered shrubbery, situated behind a small, white picket fence in the middle of nowhere. Behind it is a tall, round hedge.

SAM  
You hear that?

DEAN  
What? More crazy Frenchmen?

Next thing they know, they're surrounded by a dozen or so knights.

SAM + DEAN  
Crap.

LEADER  
We are the Knights Who Say, Ekki  
Ekki-Ekki-Pitang-Zoom-Boing.

The rest echo the phrase, Dean turns to Sam

DEAN  
(seriously?)

SAM  
They're relentless. They used to  
be the Knights Who Said Ni, but  
they, uhh... changed it.

They Knights Who Say... etc. all cower and wail.

LEADER  
Don't say that word!

DEAN  
What word?

LEADER  
You know which word - The most  
vile word ever created!

DEAN  
Which is...?

The Knights aren't game to say.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
(dryly)  
Yeah Sam, these guys are  
downright intimidating.

He turns to go but they draw swords. Dean pulls out his gun. They don't waver. He shoots and the bullet goes right through.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
Crap.  
(sighs)  
Alright, what do we need to do to  
get rid of your sorry asses?

The leader confers with the others.

LEADER  
We would like... an elephant!

SAM  
An elephant?

DEAN  
Why?

LEADER  
Out bush is looking a little  
bland, we think an elephant would  
do nicely.

He points to the lone wild hedge behind the shrubbery.

DEAN  
Wait, so you don't want an actual  
elephant, you just want the hedge  
to look like one?

LEADER  
But a very cute one, with  
disproportionate features to  
emphasise said cuteness.

The knights murmur in agreement.

DEAN  
(beat)  
You're all nuts, you know that,  
right? I mean, what on Earth is  
the point?

LEADER  
So we have a focal point in our  
greenery.

Dean gives up. He turns to Sam who has his "thinking face" on and puts his colt to his head and mimes shooting. Sam doesn't notice.

SAM  
What was that word...

DEAN  
What word?

SAM  
The one they didn't like. We  
might be able to use it.

The Knights all cringe again and Sam looks up.

SAM (CONT'D)  
We?

They stand impassive.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Might?

Nothing.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Be?

Nothing.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Able?

Nothing.

SAM (CONT'D)  
To?

Nothing.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Use?

Nothing, but they're starting to appear afraid. Sam and Dean share a glance.

SAM + DEAN  
It?

The Knights cry out and Dean's eyebrows shoot up.

DEAN  
Seriously? That's it?

More flailing from the Knights.

LEADER  
Don't say that word!

DEAN  
What, "It"?

((Ahhh!))

DEAN (CONT'D)  
(smiles)  
You know what Sammy's favourite  
movie is? _It_.

The Knights cover their ears and Sam glares at Dean.

SAM  
Come on, let's go.

He darts through a gap whilst they're pre-occupied. Dean starts to follow, but pauses.

DEAN  
It. It it it it it it it it it it  
it it it it it it it it it it it  
it it it it it it -

SAM (O.S.)  
Dean!

DEAN  
(points to hedge)  
Stupid.  
(points to them)  
It.

He takes to catch up with Sam, leaving the ruined and flailing Knights Who Formerly Said Ni But Now Say Ekki-Ekki Ekki-Pitang-Zoom-Boing writhing on the ground.

EXT. FOREST - ELSEWHERE - LATER

DEAN  
This is insane.

SAM  
Tell me about it.

DEAN  
You figured out a way out of here  
yet?

SAM  
Everything I can piece together  
from the lore points to it all  
being controlled by Eris, the  
pagan god of Chaos.

DEAN  
Eris?

SAM  
Yeah. The forest moves location  
and appears in different forms,  
but the one constant is its  
chaotic and nonsensical nature.  
There are even rumours that this  
is the forest that Lewis Carroll  
was lost in.

DEAN  
Who?

SAM  
Lewis Carroll, he wrote Alice in  
Wonderland.

DEAN  
I'm not going to dignify you  
knowing that with a response.  
So what, we gank him and we can  
go home?

SAM  
Her, and I don't see why not.

DEAN  
Alright, what does she look like?

SAM  
(shrugs)  
Probably something innocuous so  
as not to scare people off.

DEAN  
That's frigging helpful.

He looks around the currently very innocuous forest.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
Any way to narrow it down?

SAM  
Uhh, Dean...

He's looking over Dean's shoulder. Dean spins around to see-

Those goddamn Knights are back.

LEADER  
We are the Knights who say-

DEAN  
It.

They revert back to their incredibly pansy state, and Dean turns to go. Sam stops him.

SAM  
We can't keep doing this forever,  
they're going to keep catching  
up, and we need to find Eris.

Dean thinks on it a second before he gets an idea.

DEAN  
Stall them, I'll be right back.

TEN MINUTES LATER -

Dean returns to see Sam has them all on the ground wailing again.

SAM  
Where the hell were you? I've  
said "it"-

((Ahhh!))

SAM (CONT'D)  
...So many times it's-

((No, the agony!))

SAM (CONT'D)  
...Lost all meaning.

DEAN  
(shit-eating grin)  
Problem solved.

He steps aside to reveal ITT. Itt murmurs something unintelligible and the Knight flail and scream something fierce. Steam starts to rise, and within a minute there's only a pile of armour on the ground.

Dean claps Itt on what he hopes is his back.

* * *

End Round Thirty - Addam's Family 2: Monty Python and the Holy Grail 0


	31. Round 31: Monty Python & the Holy Grail

Round Thirty-One

* * *

EXT. CAVE ENTRANCE - DAY.

SAM and DEAN stop short at the entrance. Slowly they take in the massacred bodies.

A SMALL RABBIT WITH RED EYES hops out of the cave and the boys stare.

DEAN  
That innocuous enough?

SAM  
Works for me.

They pull out their iron stakes and get to work.

FIVE MINUTES LATER-

They're running over the hill, away from the cave and rabbit. Once clear, they stop and catch their breaths.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Fast...

DEAN  
(huffs)  
So friggin' fast...  
(straightens up)  
We need a new plan.

SAM  
Well, Arthur apparently destroyed  
it with a Holy Hand Grenade.

DEAN  
Obviously it didn't work.  
(beat)  
Which is good, because I have no  
idea where the hell we'd get one.

SAM  
It must have worked to some  
extent, because it weakened Eris  
long enough for him to escape the  
forest.

DEAN  
Alright, so a Holy Hand  
Grenade... You think we can make  
one?

SAM  
You got anything holy?

Dean holds up rosary. Sam smiles.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Let's get to w-aahhh!

The rabbit has caught up to them, and it's pounced on Sam. He goes down in pain.

DEAN  
Son of a bitch!

He tries to shoot Eris, but doesn't want to miss and hit Sam.

When the screaming get to be too much, he tries anyway - and misses. The Eris hops away at the sound of the gunshot, back to her cave.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
SAM!

Dean drops to the ground next to his brother. He's bleeding from the neck, and thanks to Deans' efforts is now mortally wounded in vain.

* * *

End Round Thirty-One - Monty Python 1: Supernatural 1


	32. Round 32: Dogma

**beautiful dreamere** asked for Dogma. I'm sorry it couldn't be better.

Oh, and fair warning now about the cussing.

* * *

Round Thirty-Two

* * *

INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY

SAM and DEAN are reclining on a chair and bed respectively. They're both dumbstruck. CASTIEL stands impassive as ever.

DEAN  
So let me get this straight,  
You're saying you've found God?

CASTIEL  
Yes.

DEAN  
And that he's in New Jersey?

CASTIEL  
Apparently so.

DEAN  
(beat)  
What the fu--

SAM  
(hurriedly)  
What Dean _means_ to ask is,  
'What is God doing in New Jersey'?

Castiel shifts uncomfortably.

CASTIEL  
(sotto)  
Playing skeeball.

DEAN  
Come again?

Castiel straightens.

CASTIEL  
Every now and then God likes  
to venture to Earth to play  
skeeball.

SAM  
Skeeball?

CASTIEL  
Yes.

DEAN  
Skeeball?

CASTIEL  
Yes.

SAM + DEAN  
Seriously?

CASTIEL  
(beat)  
...Yes.

Dean gets a look on his face.

DEAN  
Did you know this the whole  
time you've been searching  
for God?

CASTIEL  
(nods)  
I have been scouring arcades  
across the world.

DEAN  
And you found God in New  
Jersey... playing skeeball.

CASTIEL  
We must leave immediately.

He strides over and touches each of their foreheads.

INT. CHURCH - DAY

Sam and Dean look around. JAY and SILENT BOB are staring at them, unblinking.

JAY  
Dude, what the fuck!

SAM  
Where are we?

CASTIEL  
Holy Mother Church, Red Bank.

DEAN  
You know, we could have just  
driven.

CASTIEL  
There was no time.

JAY  
Seriously, dude - what the  
fuck is going on?

DEAN  
I'm just saying, now you have  
to take us back to get my car.

SAM  
(ignores Dean)  
Why, what's going on?

JAY  
(loudly)  
Yo, you better be givin'  
me some answers before I let  
Lunchbox unleash the fury on y'all.

Sam and Dean turn to Jay and Silent Bob. Annoyed, Dean goes for his gun.

CASTIEL  
Dean, you can't. They are  
Prophets of the Lord.

SAM  
_They're_ prophets?

DEAN  
We really are living in desperate  
times.

Castiel turns to Jay.

CASTIEL  
Where is She?

Silent Bob thumbs out the back door.

JAY  
You mean that crazy bitch? She  
tried balancing on the seats like  
she was a tightrope walker or  
some shit,

Silent Bob gestures to a nearby pew.

JAY (CONT'D)  
And then just gives up and started  
skipping around putting water on  
everyone.

Silent Bob makes the cross.

JAY (CONT'D)  
Man, she must have been high as  
fuckin' A!  
(slaps Silent Bob)  
The Tubby bitch and I were gonna  
ask her where she got her shit, but  
she up and left before we could  
even try.

Silent Bob mimes running out the door. Dean wants to strangle Jay. Sam can tell, which is why he deflects by asking,

SAM  
What's his problem? Can't he talk?  
(gestures to Silent Bob)

JAY  
Shit, Silent Bob doesn't say anything.  
It's like some kind of mission statement.

Silent Bob just shrugs.

JAY (CONT'D)  
Unless he starts banging on about  
some chick named Amy; Then you'd  
have to take a sledgehammer to his  
fat ass to get him to shut the fuck up.

Dean shakes his head.

DEAN  
I can't do this.

He pulls out his gun and aims it at Jay.

The walls start shaking and a bright light starts to emanate from all around. Sam has to shout to be heard over the din.

SAM  
Dean, you can't! Prophets are  
protected by archangels!

DEAN  
And who's protecting everyone else  
from them? Seriously, I'm doing  
everyone a public service!

Before Dean can pull the trigger, a fluttering of wings is heard and then a punch. When the light fades, Dean is lying dead on the floor, METATRON is standing over him.

METATRON  
(groans)  
Of course, now I get to explain to  
Michael what happened to his  
vessel, fan-bloody-tastic.

* * *

End Round Thirty-Two - Dogma 1: Supernatural 0


	33. Round 33: Leverage

Round Thirty-Three

* * *

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

DEAN is walking down the street in his leather jacket, alone. He stops and looks at the camera:

DEAN  
The evil and demonic try to steal  
your souls. We get it back for you...

CUT TO - THE CLASSIC MONTAGE

- Bobby showing his FBI badge "GRIFTER"

- Dean punching Gordon "HITTER"

- Ash on his laptop "HACKER"

- Sam leaning over a glass case "THIEF"

- Chuck leaning back from his computer, smiling "BRAINS"

DEAN (V.O.)  
We provide...

CUT BACK TO-

EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS

Only, Dean's gone and it's NATE standing there.

NATE  
Leverage.

We then have the reversal:

- Bobby showing his FBI badge. SOPHIE, the receptionist shakes her head. Not buying it.

- Dean punches Gordon out. Dusts his hands and turns around... only to be punched by ELIOT.

- Ash is on his laptop. He hits a wall that even he can't seem to hack. On the other end, HARDISON smiles and drinks some fanta.

- Sam is leaning over a glass case. Suddenly the alarms go off and he bails. PARKER ropes down from the ceiling, grabs the jewellery and smiles, repelling back up.

- Chuck leans back from his computer, smiling. Suddenly there's a knock on the door. "Mr. Edlund, IRS! Open up!" Chuck disappears. Nate is standing across the street, watching the IRS barge in.

* * *

End Round Thirty-Three - Leverage 1: Supernatural 0


	34. Round 34: Chuck

Round Thirty-Four

* * *

INT. CAFE - DAY

SAM is researching on his laptop. DEAN arrives with lunch - corndogs. SAM looks at the food.

DEAN  
Eat up, princess.

Sam sets the food to the side. Far to the side.

SAM  
Okay, we have a possible  
job.

He spins the laptop around for Dean to read. After flirting with the hot waitress at the counter, Dean finally turns back to the conversation.

DEAN  
Dude, she's hot. And that  
outfit...

Dean goes off to a happy place. Sam ignores him.

SAM  
Ten years ago, the small  
mining town has a local  
massacre when one of the  
workers goes on a killing  
spree - On Valentine's Day.

A look comes over Dean's face, and he starts clicking away on the computer.

SAM  
Apparently he's last seen  
running off into the mine.

DEAN  
Yeah, well if that's the  
end of it, I don't see how  
it involves us. We have  
enough problems with  
demons, angels and  
everything else out there;  
We don't have time to add  
serial killers to the list.

He has a bite of his corndog and frowns.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
(around a mouthful of food)  
S'a li-ul dry.  
(swallows)  
Hey, can I get some mus...

He trails off. The cute attendant is gone. In fact, Sam and Dean are the only ones in the store.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
Hunh.  
(beat)  
Wonder where the mustard  
is.

He gets up and wanders over to the counter to start looking.

SAM  
(annoyed)  
Dean...

DEAN  
Yeah?

SAM  
Like I was saying, this  
all happened ten years  
ago.

DEAN  
(busy rummaging)  
Good for them.

SAM  
So now, being close to  
Valentine's Day and all,  
people are turning up dead,  
and the only survivor so  
far has described Harry  
Warden as the killer.

DEAN  
Who's he?

SAM  
(Admittedly)  
He's the killer.

Dean stops looking for condiments to throw Sam a look.

SAM (CONT'D)  
He's also dead.

DEAN  
You sure about that?

SAM  
I rang the sheriff at  
the time of the murders  
while you were getting  
lunch.

DEAN  
Dude, I was at the counter  
for like two seconds.

SAM  
You were at the counter  
for ten minutes, flirting.

Dean concedes.

DEAN  
Yeah, well where the hell  
did she go?

He starts looking around again.

SAM  
(sighs)  
Are you even listening to  
me?

DEAN  
I just don't think it's  
our kind of thing, Sam.

SAM  
Angry spirit on a killing  
spree - exactly what about  
that does not apply to us?

DEAN  
I just don't think it's  
worth looking into.  
'Sides, I already found us  
a job.

He waves a hand to the laptop. Sam takes it and starts looking.

DEAN  
Dude, where the hell is  
the mustard? Hell, right  
now I'll settle for ketchup.

SAM  
(reading)  
You want us to check out  
a bunch of teens murdered  
on some lake?

DEAN  
Not just some lake - Camp  
Crystal Lake. AHA!

He triumphantly pulls out a bottle that has ketchup spilt around the nozzle and returns to the table.

Sam's looking at him expectantly.

DEAN  
Oh, come on - Camp Crystal  
Lake? Friday the 13th? What  
do you wanna bet Jason is  
still there, carving people  
up with his good ole chainsaw  
and hockey mask  
(wiggles eyebrows)

SAM  
(beat)  
Jason's human.

DEAN  
So?

SAM  
"We have enough problems  
with demons, angels and  
everything else out there;  
We don't have time to add  
serial killers to the list."

DEAN  
Dude, it's JASON!

Sam shakes his head. Dean gets upset when he realises that his ketchup bottle is empty.

SAM  
Why don't you want to go  
to Pennsylvania?

DEAN  
Why don't you want to go  
to Crystal Lake?

They have a stare off, which lasts for a remarkably long time. In fact, if a lanky man hadn't burst into the store, scaring the crap out of them, it probably would have lasted forever. Or another ten minutes, at least.

CHUCK  
Sarah? SARAH!

He stops short when he sees there's actually customers in here.

CHUCK  
Oh, hi. Just looking for  
my girlfr...

He looks at Dean and his face goes slack.

CHUCK  
You're wanted by the FBI  
for mail fraud, credit  
car fraud, grave  
desecration, armed  
robbery, kidnapping and  
first degree murder.

DEAN  
Okay, time to go.

SARAH  
Too late.

He looks up to see the hot weinerlicious chick holding a gun pointed at him.

CHUCK  
(frowns)  
Sam?

SAM  
Hey, uhh... Chuck, is it?

Dean throws him a 'WTF?' look.

SAM  
(sheepish)  
Stanford.

DEAN  
Ahh.

He turns back to Sarah with the gun.

DEAN  
Is it wrong that she looks  
so hot right now?

* * *

End Round Thirty-Four - Supernatural 0: Chuck 1


	35. Round 35: My Bloody Valentine

Round Thirty-Five

* * *

INT. MINE - NIGHT

SAM is walking around the mine, taking in the destruction of a mad-man on a killing spree. Body after body after body. He sighs.

He reaches an intersection in the mine. A NOISE is heard in the shaft on the right.

SAM  
Hello?

Silence. Sam flashes light down but doesn't see anything. He lowers his gun and continues searching.

EXT. MINE - NIGHT

Sam enters some time later, tired and frustrated. DEAN is standing at the entrance.

SAM  
How long have you been here?

No reply.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Did you say you didn't want to come  
so you wouldn't have to check the  
mine for Warden's bones?

DEAN  
He's buried in the forest.

SAM  
(suspicious)  
Did you know that before I went in?

Silence.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Jerk, I've been down there all night.

Sam storms past Dean in a huff. Dean watches Sam go, head cocked to the side.

Sorry, did I say Dean? I meant TOM. He raises the axe and smiles.

* * *

End Round Thirty-Five - My Bloody Valentine 1: Supernatural 0

* * *

(but not that retarded smile from the end of the movie, what was THAT all about?


	36. Round 36: Friday the 13th

Round Thirty-Six

* * *

EXT. LAKE - NIGHT.

DEAN walks down the little dock and looks around in the moonlight. He throws his arms wide.

DEAN  
Alright you hocky-lovin' sonuvabitch,  
come on!

There's a movement over the other side of the lake, a shadow. It's JASON. Dean catches his attention and then runs off to the house.

INT. HOUSE - NIGHT

Dean is stalking through, room to room, silent. He stops in lounge room and we hear a creak coming from the kitchen. Dean doubles back into the hallway.

INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Dean checks the end of the hall, and then points his gun at the cupboard under the stairs. When nothing happens, he decides to go up.

INT. MAIN BEDROOM - NIGHT

Dean enters the room, leading with his gun. Just as it passes through the doorway, the door slams shut, trapping his hands in the frame and causing him to drop his weapon.

DEAN  
Crap!

Dean ducks the flying machete and backpedals into the bathroom, shutting the door.

ANGLE - JASON'S SHOULDER

Jason approaches the door to the bathroom and kicks it open.

INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

The bathroom is so small the door bangs into the basin, stopping it from opening all the way. Jason looks at the bath: the shower curtain is drawn. He raises his machete and slices through the curtain. It falls to the ground revealing an empty bath. He looks at the open window.

Suddenly the door SLAMS shut and Jason spins around. Dean is standing there, with a CHAINSAW. He kicks it over and grins.

DEAN  
Karma, bitch.

Before either can make a move, a small, furry creature leaps in through the window and attacks Jason. In an attempt to fight it off, Jason accidentally falls out the window. Dean runs to see:

How looks out: Jason is dead, impaled on his own machete. The blue creature folds its big ears behind its head and walks off on its hind legs. It makes a strange almost-whistle-like sound as it leaves, arms behind its back.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
Damnit Stitch, get your own show!

* * *

End Round Thirty-Six - Supernatural 0: Friday the 13th 0: Lilo & Stitch 1


	37. Intermission

Intermission - Reassess and Regroup

* * *

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

SAM and DEAN return from their respective hunts.

DEAN  
How did it go?

SAM  
I don't want to talk about it.

DEAN  
I hear that.

SAM  
Why? What happened at the  
lake?

DEAN  
(grumbles)  
Friggin' Stitch, man.

SAM  
Again?

DEAN  
What do you mean, 'again'?  
That last time didn't count.

SAM  
Yeah, it did.

DEAN  
(points to laptop)  
Nuh-uh. Check your computer  
geek-boy. It's not on there.

SAM  
(huffs)  
Fine.

Sam boots up his laptop and Dean grabs some beers out of the fridge. He opens up his running tally:

Fray: 1  
Smallville: 0  
Veronica Mars: 1  
Gilmore Girls: 1  
America's Next Top Model: 1  
Angel: 0  
Firefly: 1  
Heroes: 0  
Toy Story: 1  
Transformers: 1  
Moonlight: 0  
Dark Angel: 1  
Idol: 0  
Reaper: 0  
Clichéd Jokes: 1  
Monster's Inc.: 0  
Psych: 0  
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog: 1  
Harry Potter: 0  
Stargate Atlantis: 0  
Twilight: 1  
Labyrinth: 1  
WWE: 1  
Monty Python & the Holy Grail: 1  
Addam's Family: 2  
Reservoir Dogs: 1  
Dogma: 1  
Chuck: 1  
My Bloody Valentine: 1  
Friday the 13th: 0  
Lilo & Stitch: 1  
Leverage: 1

Dean smiles and claps Sam on the back.

DEAN  
Hah, told you that last time  
didn't count!

SAM  
Dean, don't you think we should  
be worried that we're losing  
these wars?

DEAN  
What? No we're not. Look, we're  
on fifteen, no one else even  
comes close.

SAM  
That's because they are each  
versing us. If we were to count  
them as a collective, we're  
down by seven. Especially  
recently; we've been getting our  
asses handed to us.

Dean halts, the bottle inches from his lips.

DEAN  
Fine, then the answer's simple.  
We go back to some of these  
(gestures to screen)  
people, and settle the score.

SAM  
Fine, who do you want to go  
after first?

Dean appraises the list before smirking. He points at one and shares a look with Sam, who smiles.

* * *

Leverage was added before Chuck, just to keep this 'bit' flowing.


	38. Round 38: Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

Round Thirty-Eight

* * *

INT. CHURCH - DAY

DEAN is leaning against the confessional door, bored.

SAM (O.S.)  
Face it Dean, they're not coming.

DEAN  
Just give it another hour.

Dean is pushed forward as the door opens against him. SAM steps out, in priest garb.

SAM  
If they were going to come,  
they would have been here by  
now.

Dean reluctantly gets up.

DEAN  
Damnit! It was the perfect plan!  
Where the hell are they?

Sam shrugs.

DEAN (CONT'D)  
Screw it.

Dean checks his gun before storming off. Sam grudgingly follows.

SAM  
At least let me get changed first.

EXT. QUICK STOP - DAY

Dean walks up to the wall and stops. Jay and Silent Bob aren't there, but someone is:

HERMIONE  
Surprised, boys?

DEAN  
What the hell are you doing here?

HERMIONE  
Well, we happened to hear about  
your little revenge plan-

She swings a pair of extendable ears from her hand.

HERMIONE (CONT'D)  
And well, to put it simply: If it's  
war you want, war is what you  
shall get.

Sam and Dean turn around at the sound of guns cocking. The ATLANTIS TEAM are assembled, and RONON is pointing his wonderful gun at Sam and Dean. SHEPPARD just smiles.

SAM  
(to Dean)  
We need backup.

DEAN  
Ahuh.

* * *

End Round Thirty-Eight - Harry Potter +1: Stargate Atlantis +1: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back +1

* * *

In case you're wondering, yes there actually is a Round 37. But it's a fandom no one else knows, so I'm just keeping it on my desktop.


	39. Round 39: Veronica Mars

Round Thirty-Nine

* * *

EXT. NEPTUNE HIGH - NIGHT

VERONICA pulls up in her LeBaron. She gets out and looks around. A SCREAM is heard. Veronica follows.

EXT. GROUNDS - NIGHT

As she rounds the tables, she sees MEG running across the grounds, DEAN in pursuit. Veronica grabs her trusty taser and takes off in a different direction.

INT. NEPTUNE HIGH HALLS - NIGHT

Dean catches up to Meg and slams her against the lockers. She struggles and Dean pins her arms above her head.

DEAN  
Look, would you just calm down?  
We're not going to hurt you,  
okay? We just need to use you  
as bait. So, STOP RUNNING AAH-

Dean gets tasered and collapses. Veronica sighs.

VERONICA  
You think you boys would learn  
by now.  
(to Meg)  
You okay?

MEG  
F-fine. Thanks for coming  
Veronica.

Meg punches her out. SAM appears.

SAM  
Thanks for helping, Jo.

JO  
What are friends for?

* * *

End Round Thirty-Nine - Supernatural +1


	40. Round 40: Doctor Who & Firefly

This was sitting on my desktop for the longest time. I don't know why I didn't post it - I think I was sidetracked by the SuperPotterWho story it prompted. (Watch this space.)

* * *

Round Forty

* * *

INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

It's a standoff. DEAN and SAM are staring down MAL, JAYNE and ZOE. Any minute now someone's going to pull that trigger and all hell will break loose (again).

Before they can get to that point, they are halted by the sound of a PERCUSSION RATCHET spinning. They look over to see a gangly man in a pinstriped suit and brown coat. Some might call him a doctor (or even THE Doctor), but we'll just call him TEN.

TEN  
Alright! Now that I've got your  
attention can I just say... Seriously  
guys, put away the weapons.  
Violence never solves anything, eh?

Both sides ignore him and cock their guns. Ten sighs and holds up his sonic. It BLEEPS and suddenly all their guns falls from their hands with painful zaps.

TEN  
There, that's much better.

In unison, Jayne and Dean pull back up weapons and shoot the screwdriver out of Ten's hand.

TEN  
Oww! What did I just say?  
(down the barrel of two guns)  
Well, I should be thankful that  
you're not fighting each other, I  
suppose.

MAL  
Hand over that thing.

DEAN  
Like Hell, he's gonna to give it to  
us.

MAL  
Nuh-uh, I called it first.

DEAN  
What are you, five?

MAL  
Dibs.

DEAN  
(gestures to weapon)  
Shotgun.

MAL  
(beat)  
Damn.

TEN  
Look, this is getting a bit out of  
hand, why don't we just put our  
weapons down and talk this  
over, eh?

MICKEY (O.S.)  
You heard him, put your  
weapons down.

MICKEY and ROSE are surrounding both parties from the other side, outnumbering them with their two giant-ass cybermen guns.

TEN  
Mickey the Idiot, always know I  
could count on you to show up  
with a gun at the worst possible  
time.

MICKEY  
They were about to shoot you.

TEN  
Nonsense, I had it all under  
control.

ROSE  
"Under control"? Doctor, you  
have to admit that its a bit of a  
stretch, even for you.

TEN  
Oh, don't belittle my grasp on  
the situation in front of them.

ROSE  
(shrugs)  
Just admit you need our help  
and I'll stop.

TEN  
I don't...  
(stills)  
Rose.

ROSE  
(oblivious)  
Yeah?

TEN  
Now would be a very good  
time to put your weapon  
down slowly.

She turns around. During their exchange Sam and Zoe managed to pick up their weapons and have Mickey and Rose at a disadvantage.

MICKEY  
Damn.

ROSE  
(lowering gun)  
How about that plan, Doctor?

TEN  
It's simple. I am going to  
hand over the Sonic.

He bends to get it-

JAYNE  
Easy there Doc, or whatever  
your name is.

Ten straightens and raises his hands.

DEAN  
Kick it over this way.

MAL  
That's right, this way.

DEAN  
Don't start.

MAL  
(to Ten)  
Best make a decision, son.  
Can't sit on the fence all day.

TEN  
First I'd like to point out that  
under no definition of the  
phrase am I your son, and  
second...  
(drops hands)  
To be honest, neither you  
seem to really want my sonic  
screwdriver that much.

Zoe adds her weapons to Ten's direction.

MAL  
Say again?

TEN  
Welll... Not as much as that  
man, at any rate.

And with that he kicks the Sonic over to said man, who is wearing a suit and bowtie, waving emphatically and pointing to himself the the most obvious way imaginable. He catches the sonic and is then the subject of their combined scrutiny.

ELEVEN  
Ahh yes, you've all got your  
guns pointed at me. Probably  
after this thing.  
(holds up sonic)  
But you see the thing is, I've  
already got one.  
(pulls out a green one)  
And we all know what happens  
when two identical sonic  
devices are held against each  
other.

Ten covers his ears as Eleven does just that. The resulting sonic wave incapacitates everyone, and they crumble to the ground unconscious. Eleven approaches Ten and tosses back his sonic.

ELEVEN  
Nice Sonic you got there.  
Laser? Ha!

TEN  
Thanks. And I see yours is  
green.

ELEVEN  
(proud)  
Yeah...

TEN  
What happened to-

ELEVEN  
Prisoner escaped through a  
crack in the universe,you  
know how it is.

Rose and Mickey converge.

ROSE  
Who are you?

ELEVEN  
Oh Rose, Come now. You're  
a smart one, you should be  
able to figure it out.

She looks from Ten to Eleven, who both have the same sheepish smile on their face.

ROSE  
I'm not getting it, you'll  
have to explain.

ELEVEN  
I'm the Doctor.

ROSE  
Doctor who?

TEN  
Me. Doctor Me.

ROSE  
(beat)  
What?

ELEVEN  
(to Ten)  
At least they're pretty.

TEN  
Adorable.

* * *

End Round Forty - Doctor Who +1 +1 (Because two doctors are better than one)


End file.
